Often you cannot understand whether you love a person or you are just good friends. How to distinguish friendship from love? What are the similarities and differences? Let's try to figure this out.
Love and friendship: what do they have in common?
In fact, you wouldn't be asking this question if you didn't feel something unusual or strange in your relationship with your friend. The truth is that there is no long-term friendship between a guy and a girl. Sooner or later, one of you (or even both) will think about how he really feels.
Love and friendship are similar to each other, but, in fact, they are also components of each other. True friends love each other, although they do not show romantic feelings. Their love is based on affection and mutual respect. And lovers can be each other's friends. It's even ideal when it is. We can say that friendship includes two aspects: spiritual and spiritual intimacy (emotions and beliefs), and love includes aspects of friendship and physical attraction.
Not all friends decide to cross the threshold of friendship and become a couple. This decision may depend on one or both of them. But more often than not, a mutual decision does lead to love.
Now let's try to understand the differences ...
What is the difference?
Whether you're testing your feelings or your friend's feelings, there are some obvious signs that you can tell if one of you perceives friendship as more than just friendship.
Reaction to a friend's sympathy for someone(your gender):
- If you are friends, you will be pleased with the feelings of your friend and will be glad to meet the object of his sympathy. You will help him in every possible way in the development of these feelings, because you wish him happiness.
- If you are in love in your friend, an inner feeling of jealousy will betray you. Mentally, you already imagined yourself next to him, why did he suddenly meet someone better, but did not pay attention to you? Jealousy will manifest itself in the fact that you will not like the choice of your friend.
Behavior in the presence of a friend:
- If you are friends, you feel completely free in the presence of a friend, no matter what state or form you are in (home clothes, not the freshest look, temperature, terrible runny nose, whatever).
- When you are in love you are trying to look your best in front of your friend. You think over your appearance and worry about whether he will like it. You begin to feel embarrassed in his presence, and his compliments now cause unusual feelings in you.
Personal space and freedom:
- If you are friends, you feel free to not always spend time together with a friend. And when he is not with you, you are not bothered by thoughts about how he spends his time. You are individuals, everyone chooses how to live, although there are some things that unite you and for which you value each other. A few days without communication with a friend will not knock you out of your senses and prevent you from falling asleep at night.
- If you fell in love into your friend, your thoughts are constantly occupied with him. You are interested in how he spends his time, and you want to be part of his time as often as possible.
Emotions:
- When you are friends, your friendship is united by a feeling of lightness, fun, spiritual intimacy. You just feel good around and there is no surge of emotions and no drama. Only positive emotions and a sea of laughter, or, conversely, calm, serious conversations about life.
- when you fell in love, new emotions are added to this palette, perhaps even quarrels. In fact, this is not a sign of mature love, but just falling in love, which has not yet found its expression, but is trying to hide behind friendship. When you have to hide your crush, you can become overly sensitive and sometimes demanding or even irritable. All you want is for these feelings to be mutual.
Habits and behavior of your friend:
- If you are friends, you do not judge a friend for some habits and do not try to change him. Not because you don't care, but because that's the kind of friend you made friends with. You accept him as he is, his choice does not affect your life in any way. Although, of course, in important matters you will advise your friend the best, you will not impose your opinion.
- If you are in love, you are very worried about your friend and try to protect him from everything. Perhaps you are trying to correct some of his habits or qualities, because you know that they harm him. Lovers (immature love) often also try to change things in their soul mate that they may not like.
What to do?
If you are convinced that the feelings of each of you are exclusively friendly, you should not start a conversation about it, everything is already in its place!
If you notice that you are in love, think carefully about your feelings and whether it is worth revealing them. You can never be ordinary friends after one of you has fallen in love. In general, even now it is no longer a friendship in its purest form ... Think about whether you are emotionally mature enough to start a real relationship? If so, try talking to a friend about it. But for starters, we advise you to test your feelings well with time, and also monitor the behavior of your friend - is there reciprocity in him?
Be careful not to put all your hopes on love, so as not to be disappointed when you do not receive an answer. Life goes on anyway.
- Take care of yourself and listen to your feelings and heart.
- Most relationships begin with a good friendship between two people.
- True friends, like true love, are hard to find, cherish them.
- To become a faithful companion in life, you first need to learn how to be a good and faithful friend.
- It is possible that true friendship will eventually develop into true love.
If you have any questions about how to distinguish friendship from love, write in the comments. We will also be glad to hear your stories, situations, advice, comments ...
They say the secret to a perfect marriage is that a husband and wife should be best friends first and foremost. This makes sense - family psychologists have repeatedly confirmed that if partners perceive each other as friends, their relationship lasts much longer.
But what if the feelings we have for the man we love are purely platonic? What if we see in him the best friend, a reliable support, but these experiences have nothing to do with romantic feelings and sexual attraction? There are several factors that we more often associate with romantic relationships, although they are important in friendships as well.
What do friendship and love have in common?
1. Attraction. Attraction to another may not necessarily be sexual or romantic. Best friends tend to attract each other. And people who have been friends for many years, apart, can experience the same feelings as lovers.
2. Proximity. When we open up to someone, share our dreams, thoughts, goals and plans, then this person naturally becomes much closer to others. Well, if we get the same frankness in return, then there is a strong bond based on trust and understanding. And this is possible between friends and between lovers.
3. Respect. Healthy romantic relationships are built on mutual respect, and the same can be said for friendships. But it cannot be argued that if you admire a loved one, then you feel for him something other than friendly feelings. Friends who you can admire and rejoice in their successes will only make you better, inspiring you to new achievements, and their reciprocal respect will not let you give up even in the most difficult situations.
4. Support. Providing mutual support is the main task in both friendships and romantic relationships. It helps us flourish, develop, change and endure everything that happens to us.
5. Pleasure. Enjoying each other's company and having fun together, laughing at the same jokes and waiting for a new meeting - this still does not mean that you are having an affair. But this is definitely a sure sign that you are very, very good friends.
How is love different from friendship?
The first and main difference is sex. But even here the boundaries are somewhat blurred today - we must not forget about the existence of "sex for friendship." However, there are other aspects of relationships that distinguish lovers from close friends.
1. General goals. Only romantic couples are engaged in planning a joint future. And although friends may completely coincide in their views on religion, politics and lifestyle, their life goals do not tend to a common denominator.
2. Time and attention. In romantic relationships, partners devote all their free time and attention to each other, which can never be found even in the strongest friendship. The two choose to focus on each other, and the attention they receive from the other makes them feel comfortable. Conversely, if one of the two no longer wants to spend energy on a partner, this may mean the near end of the relationship.
3. Interdependence. Social psychologist Caryl Rasbalt argues that the determining factor in a romantic relationship can be considered the degree of interdependence of partners. Yes, friends depend on each other, but the lives of lovers are tightly intertwined. While in a relationship, the two rely more and more on each other and eventually replace "I" and "you" with "we".
Commitments are often forgotten, and it depends on whether the relationship remains friendly or turns into a romantic one.
4. Positive illusions. In a healthy relationship, partners are fascinated by each other. They have high expectations and ideas about a loved one, which often do not coincide with reality. But psychologists Sandra Murray, John Holmes and Dale Griffin believe that this is absolutely normal. It is these rosy dreams that distinguish love from more realistic friendship.
5. Influence. Of course, friends influence decision-making, goals and plans, preferences and prospects, but a loved one here has more power. We tend to make our partners part of our sense of self, to perceive ourselves through the prism of our loved one. With friends, this is not possible.
6. Obligations. They are often forgotten, and according to Caryl Rasbalt, it depends on this whether the relationship remains friendly or turns into a romantic one. The very decision to start a romantic relationship portends stability and reflects a conscious choice in favor of working towards creating a couple.
“Deciding on the future of a relationship is a serious step that requires weighing all the pros and cons, opportunities, benefits and investments that have already been made,” says Caryl Rasbalt. And while most friends can make good partners, it's the decision and willingness to dedicate one's life to one that determines the success of a romantic union.
True love passes the test of difficulties in understanding each other, the test of time, overcomes the doubt about the unambiguity of choosing this particular person among all possible contenders for the heart and place in life next to you.
The famous American psychologist Robert Sternberg, after his many years of research, came to the conclusion that true love has three components. By the way, his triangular model of love withstood all possible and impossible criticisms and was recognized as the closest to reality. So, the three essential components of true love are:
- Frankness or, as this component is also called, sincerity, trust, understanding, closeness, desire to help each other, common feelings, mutual sympathy. This is the ability and desire to show one's true face to a partner without fear and fear of being misunderstood, rejected, ridiculed, condemned. At the same time, it is not necessary that you approve of all the thoughts and actions of a loved one. You know him well and understand why he thinks and acts this way. Or at least want to understand. Intimacy at the level of feelings is the emotional component of love.
- Physical attraction, desire, or subjective attractiveness of a partner of the opposite sex. This is exactly the form of communication that can only be between these two men and women. It is not inherent in friendship or other forms of love, for example, related ones. Physical attraction fuels romantic feelings, has a stimulating effect on relationships, and is a source of pleasure. This is the motivational component of love.
- Loyalty, devotion, the obligation to be together, the desire to share the present and future with a loved one. This includes a conscious intention and a conscious decision to remain faithful to your chosen one, despite the difficulties in the relationship. To love this particular person, despite the existence of other attractive objects of the opposite sex. This is the cognitive component of love.
So, true love
includes frankness, physical attraction and loyalty.
How to distinguish true love from falling in love? There are two types of falling in love - infatuation and romantic love. The first is more inherent in physical attraction and to a lesser extent - frankness, sincerity, mutual trust. Romantic love includes both physical attraction and trust, understanding, and common feelings. Whether falling in love develops into true love depends on the desire and willingness of the two to jointly solve emerging problems, overcome difficulties, find mutual understanding, and remain faithful to each other. As a rule, over time, physical attraction, albeit a little, decreases, and frankness, mutual understanding, and common feelings increase.
How to distinguish love from passion? Everything is clear here: there is only desire, physical attraction, external, even if only subjective, attractiveness of a partner.
How to distinguish love from friendship? In friendship there is sympathy, frankness, understanding, trust, fidelity, devotion, but there is no physical attraction, desire.
How to distinguish love from sympathy? Everything is the same as for friendship, except for loyalty and devotion.
How to distinguish love from affection (habits of being together)? In this case, there is no frankness, sincerity, understanding, trust, sympathy and, as a result, there is no real intimacy between partners. Perhaps all this was once, but at the moment and in recent times there is no commonality of feelings, open communication. There is no physical attraction, no desire. All that remained was inertial attachment, fidelity out of old habit.
How to distinguish love from addiction? In the first months after meeting, at the peak of emotions and in the grip of an all-consuming passion, falling in love can be mistaken for addiction. Falling in love caused by a hormonal surge cannot last more than six months - a year and a half. Addiction can last for years and even become stronger over time.
Love addiction implies emotional helplessness and "physical discoordination" of a person's actions without his object of love. This includes:
- a feeling of joy and enjoyment of life only (!) in the presence of a partner,
- the closedness of the circle of interests only on the object of love,
- moreover, the latter must live for the sake of the love-dependent, satisfying his emotional and other needs,
- inability to independently influence their emotional state,
- inability to satisfy their own emotional needs,
- complete dependence of mood on the actions or inaction of the object of love,
- inability to receive help and support from others, relatives and friends,
- complete lack of confidence in oneself and one's actions without the approval of the "beloved",
- lack of self-confidence, in their abilities being alone or in another company.
There are two types of love addiction, and although there is little similarity between them at first glance, they are two sides of the same coin. Either a person clings to the object of his love, or deliberately pushes away because of the fear of losing his autonomy and falling into that same addiction. And the greater the risk of becoming attached, losing control of his emotions, the fear of losing a loved one, the more desperately he will avoid what he calls "love."
But back to true love. Does it exist, this perfect, ideal love? Someone will say “yes” without hesitation, and someone will think that it is very difficult, almost impossible, to find, or rather, to achieve such love.
Everything that you can imagine and for which you are ready to fight is possible. Love is a dynamic process, and what your love will be depends largely on your efforts. And true love begins with the desire to give love and the willingness to be loved .
Love and be loved!
Friendship or love, how to determine? How to understand what connects a guy and a girl, because often there is a rather thin line between friendship and love relationships.
If there is any doubt about what binds you, take the time and analyze each other's behavior in different situations, remember the times when you felt love and compare with what you now feel for a friend. If there is a similarity, then love can be suspected.
Signs, how to determine what it is: friendship or love?
So, what is between you: friendship or love, how to determine? There are 10 signs that indicate love.
- Physical contact. Constant desire to hug, hold hands, as well as the habit of kissing on the cheek. The fact is that a loving person is always looking for contact, although he does not allow himself anything serious.
- Jokes. Another characteristic feature of a love relationship is the desire to joke and tease each other: “what kind of muscles you have!”, “Yes, you are a beauty”, “good, villain”. It seems to be nothing serious, but at the same time a lot of compliments.
- Interest. A person who is breathing unevenly towards his friend always asks ambiguous questions, such as: "Where were you today, why didn't you call all day, did you hang out with someone today?" To check if there was some kind of romantic meeting with by someone else. And do not believe that he does this out of curiosity.
- He is always there. If your friend spends all day with you - you visit the gym together, theaters, exhibitions, run together in the morning - this indicates that he does not want to part with you, because you are not just a friend to him. Otherwise, he would definitely have affairs that are not related to you.
- Jealousy. Even if he supports you before a romantic date, gives parting words on how to behave better with a new acquaintance, you should know that he suffers greatly at the same time. Of course, he will not be jealous of everyone, but if you start telling how nice you had a time with a new friend, then he may not be able to restrain himself - he will get angry, stop listening, or switch the conversation to another topic.
- There is no "I" - there is "we". When two people love, there is no concept of “I”, they have everything in common. Friends have their own lives. They, of course, go side by side in life and have a lot of joint affairs, but only love makes people one.
- Influence. Of course, our friends influence our choice, for example, clothes, university or car model, but a loved one has great authority in these matters. A friend in love begins to perceive his life through the prism of a loved one. This doesn't happen between friends.
- My friend is the best. Of course, it's great when you find a person who is your best friend, but you still find flaws in him. But in a friend with whom you are in love, it is hard to see something bad, often he is idealized.
- Common goals. Only romantic couples can have a joint future. Friends who may have completely the same opinion on many issues, ranging from religion, politics and ending with lifestyle, will never have common life goals.
- Support. A friend will never leave him in trouble, even if you call him in the middle of the night, telling him about his troubles, but he, unlike a lover, will show selfishness - he will interrupt his spiritual outpourings when he gets bored, he will not go to the ends of the world because of the whim of a friend and will not risk your life to score points in the eyes of a comrade. The lover will embody the qualities of all superheroes who will come to the rescue at any moment at the first call.
Having found out who is in front of you - a friend or a lover, it will be easier to build relationships, especially if you reciprocate. And who knows what your quivering friendship will develop into? Perhaps in a strong marriage, because first of all, there should be camaraderie and complete mutual understanding between spouses!
Gifts between friends are not as common as in relationships. Usually they are given on holidays and birthdays. At the same time, the amounts are spent approximately the same, and the balance in quantity is maintained. But if a guy starts giving his girlfriend flowers and small gifts at every meeting, most likely he is counting on something more. In addition, he will show his worth by paying for cafes and cinemas for you.
It is difficult for a person in love to say “no” to someone to whom he has feelings. Therefore, at the slightest request for help, all agreements with other people are canceled. And friends help when it does not harm their personal plans.
When people are truly friends, they don't have stiff conversations or awkward topics. They discuss the other person's personal life and give relationship advice. But a man in love will not be able to calmly listen to stories about the dates of his beloved. Most often, he will criticize his partner, try to provoke a break in order to to attempt be with the object of your love.
At parties and other fun gatherings, friends spend time together, but if there is an opportunity to get to know someone, they use it. If a person is in love, he will not look around and look for other people to communicate with. In addition, he can prevent a friend from meeting people of the opposite sex in order to be always together.
If a person loves his friend, he will try not to disappoint him and look in the best light. Any mistake will be promptly apologized. He is never late for meetings, tries to quickly complete any of your instructions. Every day enamored a friend will remind you of his existence - SMS, call, message on the network or just like on your photos. Friends in this regard are calmer, they may be late, forget to buy you a serving of ice cream, or not call for a week.
Watch your friend, because feelings are very difficult to hide. People in love look closely and attentively at a loved one. They try to touch, hug more often, laugh at all the jokes and smile.
If you find that your best friend corresponds the whole list about lovers, no need to arrange a showdown. Decide how you feel about him, and if it's not mutual,
tell him softly. You need to make it clear that you do not experience the same, but would like to remain friends. Be careful what you say so you don't hurt his feelings and lose him forever.Our feelings are sometimes so contradictory that we ourselves cannot understand them. It would seem that falling in love is an obvious thing, and immediately catches the eye not only of you, but also surrounding. However, it is not always possible to understand yourself and your feelings in relation to another person. It is not always possible to say with certainty: "I'm in love." Sometimes we mistake friendship, respect, and sometimes even hatred for love! To distinguish one from the other, you need to delve into your inner psychology.
Psychologists clearly distinguish between infatuation and love. The first feeling is more vivid spontaneous, the second - smooth and durable. Falling in love often arises at first or second sight in the form of a burning interest in a person. then this interest is replaced by admiration. If you like your chosen one or chosen one in everything he does: how he dresses, eats, walks, smells, then you are in love. As a rule, when falling in love, especially at its first stages, we do not notice shortcomings in a partner. It is not for nothing that people say that "falling in love blinds the eye," that is, it closes the critical and even objective worldview. Often, lovers rush things, they want to make far-reaching plans. Girls begin to come up with names for future children and dream about the style of a wedding dress. The guys introduce the chosen one to their friends.
If you can't figure out if you're in love or just interested in a new person (or maybe an old friend), try spending some time without seeing or talking to them. At least for one day, stop talking on the phone or "ICQ", do not meet, do not study his page "Vkontakte". Listen to your feelings. Do you miss this person? Do you think about him all the time and can't get distracted by something else? Want to call or text immediately to make sure he's okay? If you answered “yes” to at least one question, then this is love.
Jealousy is an integral part of falling in love. At the same time, a person can be in love not with one, but with several at once. And they will all be jealous. Because the chemical reactions in the body trigger the possessiveness program. You are in love if you want to be close to the chosen one all the time and get annoyed if someone else claims this role. You want to take your beloved 9 or lover) so far away that neither friends, nor admirers, nor relatives can reach him there.
Sometimes absorbing love makes a person live a different life. He listens to the music that his chosen one likes, dresses in the same style, finds the same hobbies for himself, may even forget about old friends and try to find new ones.
Being in love very often deprives us of sleep and appetite, a person is always in an excited, sometimes even semi-feverish state.
The lover begins to carefully monitor himself in order to please, to arouse interest in his chosen one.